My dearest Dawn,

hate colds. I know I’ve told you that before, but it’s worth reiterating. I loathe colds. At least with a fever or the flu, you can say that you were rendered unconscious from something that everyone knows can really take you out. When you say you were down for an entire weekend with a bad cold, though, it’s amazing how quickly the sympathy disappears and you’re left alone to get on with your life.

The stories that people feel the need to share, too! All you have to say is something like “I just couldn’t breath this weekend,” or “My head was spinning,” or anything vaguely describing your symptoms when someone jumps on it. “My Uncle Bernie had a bad head cold once, that it gave him a sinus infection for three weeks and he had to be in the Emergency Room.” “My daughter’s cold was so bad she couldn’t stand up straight for three days!”

That’s a minor inconvenience, of course, when compared to the actual pain of slogging through life with symptoms that aren’t contagious or life-threatening, and, therefore, are simply to be shouldered through. Oh, the misery of forcing yourself to go to work when you have problems focusing your eyes for more than ten seconds at a time! Or sitting through a meeting holding your breath, in the hopes that you won’t just burst into a coughing fit! Or the embarrassed despondency as you pull out yet another tissue from your pocket to blow your overflowing nose as you browse through the entirety of aisle 11 at Walgreens for the right drug to finally put you out of your misery.

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Now, of course I realize that this is a really petty thing to be complaining about. After all, so many people have it worse off than me. There are people who have chronic illnesses that they can’t control and can’t fight. There are people who are stuck in the ICU or other hospital rooms due to countless circumstances. In comparison, my little cold is next to nothing. But have you noticed that it’s a lot easier to be generous and understanding when one is in good health?

And so I repeat once more: I abhor colds, because they take away my motivation to be humane and decent towards other people and make me the most selfish of beings.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to *not* spread my germs around, and to hopefully cure myself with the right combination of drugs. I’m currently mixing together 3-4 daytime meds to make me presentable to other humans, plus copious amounts of tea, of course. Here’s to hoping that does the trick!

Regards,

Your Wilbur

P.S. I am trying to decide if I like Ricola cough drops better than Halls. Ricola and Halls both taste equally good, but Halls has the annoying pep talks on their wrappers that just make me want to swear at the packaging. RIcola, on the other hand, tastes more natural, but if I use too many of them in a row they lose their effectiveness. Care to weigh in?

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