Those of you who have read my previous post updating the search for my sister will know the name given to my partner on this site, Ghostwheel. The prompt for today is to describe what my current relationship is like (or, if I was single, how the single life is treating me). Welp, let’s try this.
My relationship with Ghostwheel is my first committed relationship. I’ve dated other guys, might have even come close to seriously dating them, but never made it that far. The last few of those almost-hits are definitely specters in my life because they did not end well. You could even call them near abusive because of the emotional games they started to play with me. Thankfully, I got out when I did, because I don’t easily put up with bullsh*t like that. Doesn’t mean I’m not still haunted in some ways, but I’m glad I got out.
I’m also glad that I worked up the nerve to try again. Ghostwheel and I met online, chatting and IMing daily for about a week before meeting in person. Five months later, we’re in a committed relationship, and that kinda terrifies me.
Oh, I’m happy! Don’t get me wrong about that! I love Ghost, and he loves me, and we’re still in that sickeningly sweet stage of our relationship where I’m sure we make everyone around us want to barf (and, occasionally, make me want to vomit, as well), but that’s part of the problem.
I have never experienced anything like this before. And because everything is new to me, this sometimes feels like it’s all too fast.
This level of emotion, and the use of emotion, is not something that I’m used to, even with my friends and family. I have no term of reference. I have never depended on someone else before.
I’m not saying that we’re co-dependent, because that is one hell hole that I refuse to go down. But, Ghost and I are mutually supportive. We each have our goals and dreams, which we are promoting in each other’s lives. We also each have our own issues, which each of us tries to alleviate to the best of our abilities. It’s a very mutually beneficial relationship, a true partnership.
And we’re still growing. Obviously. It’s been less than six months, after all, and I’m terrified of commitment. But he’s patient. He listens. He takes my worries and fears into consideration. And I try to do likewise.
This is, by far, the best I have been treated by a guy I’ve dated in a long time. Ghost really loves and cares about me. It truly is best-case scenario right now. And, realist that I am, I have to say that I hope this continues.