is realizing that the paperwork you’re filing concerns an almost-2-month-old child who failed to recover after major surgery.

Not how I wanted to start my Friday, but that’s how it went.

This new job of mine deals with a lot of paperwork for a lot of very serious surgeries for a local children’s hospital. It blows my mind how easy it is to just do the paperwork and not notice the names and dates on it, but whenever I do I feel my heart break.

My heart goes out to the families of these kiddos. If you are one of them, I’m so sorry. I have no words. I am just so sorry for what you’re going through.

So much paperwork crosses my desk and I don’t even think about it. I don’t think about the patient’s name or the multitude of other names behind it. I don’t think about the procedure as I scan a file. I don’t think about the loss of that patient as I send a file to billing. How can it be so easy to be so immune to the heartbreak and life struggles that everything I do signifies for someone else?

I don’t really have something important to say, today, I just had to share this observation and a follow-up question: if we continuously reject both consciously and subconsciously that which makes us feel, whether it’s a positive or negative emotion, can we be the complete humans that we were meant to be?

I don’t know the answer to that question, but right now I feel all to vulnerable, and all too human.